So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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