those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.