Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.