He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me