Texts From Last Night

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  (954): View more from Florida

  I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.

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  (954): I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else. http://tfl.nu/idx6
  Replies (14) Good night (2475) Bad night (1318)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus

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  (727): Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus http://tfl.nu/l3dr
  Replies (17) Good night (2960) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.

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  (310): Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers. http://tfl.nu/s498
  Replies (4) Good night (3621) Bad night (1157)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  everyone's regretting their thursdays.

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  (813): Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird? (203): everyone's regretting their thursdays. http://tfl.nu/3lei
  Replies (7) Good night (4283) Bad night (970)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.

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  (678): I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup. http://tfl.nu/z0w1
  Replies (7) Good night (3272) Bad night (883)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously

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  (314): great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously http://tfl.nu/gl7l
  Replies (10) Good night (804) Bad night (2387)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.

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  (334): I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol (256): Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn. http://tfl.nu/f3y5
  Replies (9) Good night (2432) Bad night (833)
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  (925): View more from California

  He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.

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  (925): He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle. http://tfl.nu/x2qg
  Replies (11) Good night (1641) Bad night (2112)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.

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  (801): It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me. http://tfl.nu/14do
  Replies (5) Good night (1749) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.

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  (256): I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies. http://tfl.nu/fekw
  Replies (4) Good night (625) Bad night (1206)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.

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  (217): We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater. http://tfl.nu/r45m
  Replies (4) Good night (1688) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.

  (1-310): View more from California

  Make one for john too.

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  (310): I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake. (1-310): Make one for john too. http://tfl.nu/lihh
  Replies (3) Good night (1356) Bad night (1596)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'

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  (410): I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like' http://tfl.nu/uuvy
  Replies (5) Good night (504) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You are a terrible person.

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just try to be optimistic...

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  (763): I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless. (651): You are a terrible person. (763): I just try to be optimistic... http://tfl.nu/01d9
  Replies (5) Good night (1295) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.

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  (816): I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo. http://tfl.nu/f2jj
  Replies (8) Good night (606) Bad night (314)

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