guess who came home with a hottie last night
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It was confusing and full of hummus
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday