Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
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seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.