if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship