I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win