WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.