Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
