i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
