I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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