piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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