carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
