i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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