She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
