he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just found a bag of teeth...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
