Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
