I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
