how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
