Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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