from now on my penis is your penis
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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