i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
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Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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