Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
nutella sex= disaster
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I believe in your delicious
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
