Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just had sex on a roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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