dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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