I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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