I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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