If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
