Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
