What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
