....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
