Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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