Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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