Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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