i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
