Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
