Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
