Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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