Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
