Acid is not a monday night drug
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
