Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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