Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
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If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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