There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
OPIZZABONMYDICK
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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