I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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