Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
