summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
