Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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