Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
