Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
