whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
