then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
