we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
