so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
