You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
