went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
