She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
