Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
