There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Boobs speak an international language.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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