Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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