what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
