Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
