im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
