I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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