The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I AM VODKA MAN
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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