What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
