I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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