If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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