my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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