is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
