best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
