It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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