you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
